(no subject)

Stupid of me.  I could go into biology, aim for med school, but again, that's a plan people switch out of, not into.  I hate myself, a little.  I could do anything in the world.  I'm smart enough.  But I am terrified of it.  I want my life to mean something, but "contributing something to the world" is such a futile thing to invest so much moral redemption.  You can't possibly make a significant difference.  I have horrible swings between idealism and utter cynicism.