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Mar. 20th, 2006 09:33 pmOh, emgee. I got the high score on the last physics test. Now what am I going to do? No one will believe me if I plead incompetence. Funny thing--I used to hate the thought of other people thinking me incapable of anything, and now I deliberately invoke the image. I'm also slipping into bubble-headedness (Oh, Jessie. Have you any less obvious defense mechanisms?) which does little for my actual self-respect, although a lot for my not paying attention to my self-respect. But 91%!
Then this afternoon I slipped into rather dull existential ponderings on suicide and my future major/career (strangely related, oh dear) and the nature of human happiness, blah blah blah. What price happiness? I asked myself. And is it measured in input or output, that is, one's own happiness or the happiness one gives to others? The latter, of course. Or, money. Yet to observe my parents, I would tentatively suggest that maybe happiness is downright impossible. Lasting happiness, not butterflies and chocolate happiness. Or perhaps you can't plan for it?
So, two conflicting points of advice: do what makes you happy (I don't know what that is!) or do what is best (utilitarian-like), or do what will be best for your future familial stability/independent abilities. The last is my family's advice, which is a dreadful mix of selfishness and unselfishness around which I've never been able to navigate. So... these aren't exactly my thoughts of this afternoon, but my eventual conclusion was that--since happiness was an unreliable and without a printable value, then life that wasn't going to benefit the state of the world in some way is a waste of resources, and the most moral thing to do in that case is to eliminate it ASAP. Always convinced the least pleasant arguments are the best. I've never been sold on existence as the point of life.
I got to terrorize pre-freshmen in phone interviews. Others may inquire about inspiring personages or interesting dates in history: my priorities were questions about their cookie-baking abilities, odd email addresses, and WHY they have listed "organization" as a hobby or interest. F.U.N.
Then this afternoon I slipped into rather dull existential ponderings on suicide and my future major/career (strangely related, oh dear) and the nature of human happiness, blah blah blah. What price happiness? I asked myself. And is it measured in input or output, that is, one's own happiness or the happiness one gives to others? The latter, of course. Or, money. Yet to observe my parents, I would tentatively suggest that maybe happiness is downright impossible. Lasting happiness, not butterflies and chocolate happiness. Or perhaps you can't plan for it?
So, two conflicting points of advice: do what makes you happy (I don't know what that is!) or do what is best (utilitarian-like), or do what will be best for your future familial stability/independent abilities. The last is my family's advice, which is a dreadful mix of selfishness and unselfishness around which I've never been able to navigate. So... these aren't exactly my thoughts of this afternoon, but my eventual conclusion was that--since happiness was an unreliable and without a printable value, then life that wasn't going to benefit the state of the world in some way is a waste of resources, and the most moral thing to do in that case is to eliminate it ASAP. Always convinced the least pleasant arguments are the best. I've never been sold on existence as the point of life.
I got to terrorize pre-freshmen in phone interviews. Others may inquire about inspiring personages or interesting dates in history: my priorities were questions about their cookie-baking abilities, odd email addresses, and WHY they have listed "organization" as a hobby or interest. F.U.N.
