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Feb. 3rd, 2005 09:26 pmWhen terrible things happen, I can handle it. Disaster, humiliation--I might get stressed, but I can logic my way through it. But today...
I can hardly even describe how miserable I feel right now. I could consider killing myself, and can't even justify it. "What happened?" they would ask. Nothing happened, and everything. Murphy's Law decided to single me out today.
Slept in just far enough to make me decide to skip breakfast for the first time in 5 years.
Car stalled twice on the way to school, was honked at and given the finger.
No bassist in jazz band.
Remembered that Shaun was mad at me.
Couldn't find my padlock for P.E.
Had P.E. Running, upper body weightlifting (and I have the upper body of a drinking straw), and cardio.
During the game, 200 pound guy slammed down on my foot. Didn't, I don't think, break my toe, but caused it to bleed copiously.
Discovered this blood while dressing back up.
Found my P.E. lock, two hours too late.
Toe hurt too much to consider limping up to the cafeteria to get lunch, missed lunch as well as breakfast.
Tried to retrieve my homework for English from my email, only to find that the Yahoo server was down.
Server stayed down for all of English, then magically popped back up at the beginning of the next period.
Timed write in English, 'nuff said.
Discovered that Pagemaker warped the Editorial pages, had to fix them.
Let Archita work on Feature, was disappointed but didn't say anything.
Sarah was supposed to do A&E and World, but just decided not to come to class. I had seen her in the halls earlier. And she had Mallory's column saved on her disk, which I needed.
Parking lot at the library was too full to get a spot.
Library was insanely busy.
Kids. Everywhere.
And my toe hurt.
And I was tired.
And I think I'm getting sick.
And in my head the whole time was this mindless mantra of "hate-hate-hate-hate-hate..."
And under that was the Bowling for Soup song "Shut Up and Smile."
When I got home, my dad yelled at me for mumbling the answer when he asked how I was. I'm serious.
Most recently, I made myself a cup of tea and the little paper tag that hangs on the end of the string ripped off. I think it was just to make a point. I feel exhausted and angry and teary and isolated and completely unloved and unlovable.
I want to die. And it's the wrong time of month for PMS.
I can hardly even describe how miserable I feel right now. I could consider killing myself, and can't even justify it. "What happened?" they would ask. Nothing happened, and everything. Murphy's Law decided to single me out today.
Slept in just far enough to make me decide to skip breakfast for the first time in 5 years.
Car stalled twice on the way to school, was honked at and given the finger.
No bassist in jazz band.
Remembered that Shaun was mad at me.
Couldn't find my padlock for P.E.
Had P.E. Running, upper body weightlifting (and I have the upper body of a drinking straw), and cardio.
During the game, 200 pound guy slammed down on my foot. Didn't, I don't think, break my toe, but caused it to bleed copiously.
Discovered this blood while dressing back up.
Found my P.E. lock, two hours too late.
Toe hurt too much to consider limping up to the cafeteria to get lunch, missed lunch as well as breakfast.
Tried to retrieve my homework for English from my email, only to find that the Yahoo server was down.
Server stayed down for all of English, then magically popped back up at the beginning of the next period.
Timed write in English, 'nuff said.
Discovered that Pagemaker warped the Editorial pages, had to fix them.
Let Archita work on Feature, was disappointed but didn't say anything.
Sarah was supposed to do A&E and World, but just decided not to come to class. I had seen her in the halls earlier. And she had Mallory's column saved on her disk, which I needed.
Parking lot at the library was too full to get a spot.
Library was insanely busy.
Kids. Everywhere.
And my toe hurt.
And I was tired.
And I think I'm getting sick.
And in my head the whole time was this mindless mantra of "hate-hate-hate-hate-hate..."
And under that was the Bowling for Soup song "Shut Up and Smile."
When I got home, my dad yelled at me for mumbling the answer when he asked how I was. I'm serious.
Most recently, I made myself a cup of tea and the little paper tag that hangs on the end of the string ripped off. I think it was just to make a point. I feel exhausted and angry and teary and isolated and completely unloved and unlovable.
I want to die. And it's the wrong time of month for PMS.