Week of the Living Dread

[jookitcz]

This is going to be a lonely, painful week, I think, because nothing is more isolating than having many personal tasks with which to contend.  No one else cares about them, you see, and since that's all that you can think about, it's impossible to have a satisfying conversation.  I am not prepared for my calculus test, because I have too much trouble still solving for maximums and minimums of solids.  I am not prepared for my finance test, because I've been skipping classes, not doing the problems, and all encounters with the theory cause me intense artistic misery.  I am not prepared for my Management test.  I think I'll get a B.  And my managerial economics class?  I feel like I'm going into it with my eyes closed.  Maybe I'll be able to find my way through by touch, you know?  I only feel optimistic about it because I'm not even prepared enough to know to stress out about it.

The Mock Trial invitational was frustrating.  I thought that my competitive doppleganger had left for an alternate reality after high school, but put her in front of a judge, and she starts to struggle to break back through to this one.  And I don't like being competitive.  I find it to be an unpleasant feeling, and it distorts proper perspective.  Being competitive is fine if you are fighting for something that is both in your power and worthwhile, but if you've done all that you can do--that's enough.  If it isn't worthwhile, re-prioritize.

Duke's campus is gorgeous, though.  All these sprawling, Gothic stone buildings.  I would have appreciated the beauty of the landscaping more, probably, if I had not been wearing heels.  My legs still hurt today, not in a exercise-sore way, but in a strained-muscle way.  I need to find, at some point, dress shoes that don't destroy the structural integrity of my body.

I am glad, though, to be back to my own food.  The south has a very disturbing approach to vegetables.